What a Girl Wants, A Girl Needs

Ok, it’s quite clear based on my last poll on “Do you know what women want?”; women definitely know what they want, and us men… well we spent a life time trying to figure it out and get it right.  So here is a treat for you all of you, I got a woman, a lady-blogger, (http://ysobeebeauty.blogspot.com) to tell us!  That simple huh?  Well check it out.  Ladies, can you confirm or deny what ysobeebeauty shares below?  Fellas, interested to know your thoughts… any surprises here?  Any challenges?  Comment below!

What does a woman want? – Sigmund Freud

Whether it’s your mother, sister, girlfriend, wife, or yourself, we are all products of the influence of at least one woman in our lives. As a woman myself, I can certainly say that our preferences, moods, and opinions seem to move in a thousand different directions and many innocent bystanders get caught in the whirlwind of a seemingly simple task- “making a decision”. Women have certainly proven themselves to be the more mysterious and mystifying sex of the human species and make answering the question “What does a woman want?” a daunting task in any relationship.

When it comes to choosing a potential partner, however, most women have followed a general trend in the characteristics they look for. Now, I am not a relationship expert by any means. What I can say is that through my years of studying social psychology, I have learned that despite any other social factors that might influence our preferences, there is an evolutionary backing behind a woman’s tendencies when choosing a future partner. It is a system that is built-in to a woman’s psyche; a rationale that I would like to share with all of you.

As women, when figuring out what we like in a guy, the first thing we need to know is whether or not we are looking for a short-term or a long-term partner. Maybe you’re looking for a one-time fling and you aren’t ready to settle down yet. Perhaps you’ve already established yourself in your career and you are looking to finally complete the puzzle and find someone to share your life with. Your mother may be incessantly reminding you that your biological clock is ticking and that she is waiting for grandchildren. Your readiness and willingness to be in a short-term or long-term relationship certainly defines the characteristics you look for in your future guy.

Long-Term Preferences

The permanency of a long-term relationship.

There are four main characteristics women generally look for in potential partners for long-term relationships; that is, a romantic relationship with some sort of permanency (i.e.: marriage) that will most likely lead to having and rearing children. These four characteristics are resources, physique, physical health, and character.

When judging a man’s resources, you are critiquing his intent and ability to invest them on you and your potential children. In the past, his ability may have been measured by how well he could gather basic necessities like food and water. Nowadays resources are monetarily defined. However, that doesn’t mean that all women are gold diggers. We are looking for someone who can help provide for our future family, someone who is willing to invest not only what’s in his pocket, but his valuable time and energy as well. Studies show that single parent homes have a higher mortality rate than dual parent homes, perhaps attributed (not completely) to more combined resources in two-parent households.

When judging the male physique, I don’t mean to objectify men in any way by saying that women tend to choose them based on their physical stature. Men that are taller and more muscular give off an aura of dominance and strength, characteristics that tie back to our basic needs for protection and resource gathering. Men that are athletic, especially in team sports, are preferred over non-athletes, because they demonstrate social team building and leadership skills in those activities.

Omar Borkan Al Gala, the man who was recently deported from Saudi Arabia for being “too good looking”. I can’t think of a finer specimen of attractive, masculine features.

Naturally, any woman would prefer a guy who is in good health; you wouldn’t want him to make you sick, would you? Women are actually primed to look for physical signals in men that are good indicators of their physical health. We are naturally attracted to and preferentially look at symmetrical faces, and facial symmetry is associated with a strong immune system. Features like a large brow ridge, smaller, more close-set eyes, a square jaw, and many other attractive, masculine features are also tied to high testosterone levels and in turn, being immunocompromised. Therefore, if a man is capable of carrying these masculine, gorgeous features while remaining healthy at the same time, he is better equipped to fight off disease in the long run.

But ladies, there is a caveat to having a man with a gorgeous face. Men with high levels of testosterone are more likely to be unfaithful, get divorced, be involved in domestic violence, and spend less time with their children. Women looking for long-term partnerships will actually trade off physical attractiveness for a characteristic like resources or commitment to protect the future of their children. This means that men with more feminine features are most likely to get married than those with more masculine facial features. In theory, this makes the ideal partner someone with a decent amount of resources, a nice body and a gorgeous face who loves you to pieces and doesn’t mind showing his feminine side once in a while.

Gauging things like resources and physique is easy, but judging his character may be the most challenging part of the puzzle. A man’s character is measured by his willingness to commit to you, ultimately, whether or not he is in love with you. Love has evolved generation after generation into an emotion that has led to greater success in the rearing of children. Love (in an evolutionary sense) can be defined by commitment; exclusivity, marriage, desire for children, emotional support, and commitment of investing the characteristics discussed earlier- time, energy and resources.

Character is also based on compatibility. Contrary to popular belief, opposites do not attract. Successful long-term relationships grow on homogamy, a sustained cooperative alliance, matching. Homogamous couples increase the survival and happiness of their children. Research shows that people who are more similar in important life values are more likely to date, get married, and stay married. It is likely that couples that have been in longer relationships become more alike with time, but a basic level of similarity is still essential for a relationship to even start.

Short-Term Preferences

Well said.

If you aren’t ready for commitment, you’re naturally going to look for a short-term relationship. Short-term relationships are exactly that- short term. You’re going to want a guy that you enjoy spending time with, and enjoy looking at.

Characteristics like resources don’t play a as vital of a role in short-term relationships as they do in their long-term counterparts. Since neither of you are interested in sticking around with each other for long, his ability to provide for your future children carries even less importance.

His physical physique and physical attractiveness still remains a top priority. He should be healthy, have a masculine physique and a decent attitude. There will still be some level of similarity between you two because it is the foundation on which your relationship will grow. As mentioned before, the high levels of testosterone that make for a gorgeous face are also tied to infidelity. So, if you are looking for a good time and are not ready for a commitment,  more masculine men fit the bill.

What is interesting is that when a woman is ovulating, she actually has more of a preference for more masculine men. When we ovulate, we tend to preferentially look at men with broader shoulders, symmetrical faces and other masculine features. Some women can actually feel when they are ovulating because of this change in preference and increased libido.

What’s a girl gotta do for a decent guy?

With all of this in mind, it doesn’t mean that we should have been looking for long-term relationships when we were 16. Take it easy. You shouldn’t feel like an anomaly because you’re 30 years old and never been kissed. Settling down comes with growing up. As women, once we are grown and ready for a more meaningful relationship, our preference for boys becomes a preference for men. If you’re one of the lucky ones that is still with your high school sweetheart, the boy you dated in high school has stuck around, and as you blossomed into a beautiful young lady, he grew up and became a man. A short-term relationship can certainly blossom into one that is long-term.

I am a firm believer in destiny. If there is anything I have learned in my life, it is to be patient. If a husband or a wife is written in your destiny, they’ll make their way into your life in their own time.

Yes, women are more indecisive and confusing, but perhaps it is this enigmatic and mysterious attribute about a woman that makes her even more sexy and attractive. My advice for men looking for a long-term commitment: Don’t try to figure out a woman while you are dating her. If she is worth your time and resources, invest your effort in a lasting relationship where you both can spend your lifetimes uncovering the mystery of each other, together.

I’d like to thank my psychology professor, Dr. Jennifer Ostovich. Your passion for uncovering the mystery behind social interactions has rubbed off on me and now I can’t help but share the knowledge that you have passed on. What I’ve learned from your classes are certainly things I will continue to carry for the rest of my life.
Uncovering the secrets of social psychology is one of my passions, and cosmetics and skin care are another. Please visit my blog, Bee on Beauty (http://ysobeebeauty.blogspot.com), for advice on skin care, make-up techniques and all other things beauty-related.

 

Ladies, can you confirm or deny what ysobeebeauty shares below?  Fellas, interested to know your thoughts… any surprises here?  Any challenges?  Comment below!